31 VERY blessed years

For some reason, birthday and new years are always a little depressing.  I guess I look back at the last year of my life, and can't help but see another year of IF stealing my dreams of becoming a mother.  But have to stop and look at the big picutre.  I have life.  I have made it to 31, and many before me have not.  I have been blessed with 2 wonderful parents who have made so many sacrifices for me to help me achieve my dreams of becoming a physical therapist.  I have been blessed with these talents to help heal people, and extend the healing ministry of Christ everyday.  Most of all, I have an amazing husband.  God knew what he was doing 8 years ago, when steven came into my life.  I tried to fight the urge to go out with him because I had to focus on school, but he was persistent, and now, I get to wake up with my best friend every morning.  I am so richly blessed.  Yeah, this whole IF thing is not exactly what I had in mind, but I have so much to be thankful for in these 31 years.  Sure, there is not a day that goes by where I don't feel cheated of becoming a mother, but I stop and look at all that I have, and know that those things fill this IF void.  I am angry, I am hurt, and feel deceived by my body, but He gave me this body, and I will hold Him to His promise.  As I embark on this new year of my life, I hope to look at things with the glass half full.  My husband has such a wonderful way of redirecting my outlook when I get overwhelmed and frustrated.  He is the perfect balance for me.  I don't know what the next year will bring, but I just want to live everyday to the fullest, be the best therapist I can be for my patients, and remember to tell those that are so special to me, "I love you!"  Life is too precious, and too short to let something like IF bring me down.  I will fight this, and I will win.

Bummer!

Well, Dr. G's office called today on my progesterone level....a big fat 0!  That sux!  That was as of CD 21.  Any chance I O'd the next day or that weekend??  I guess only time will tell.  Oh well.  As of today, I can't tell you what cycle day I am on, when my last AF was or when I should be getting AF.  Yeah, I know, the control freak in me has left the building.  I give it all up to you, and pray that Your will be done.  So, here's to no stressing, no calendars, no more test strips, planning.  We are just going to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride......

"Sometimes it's hard to conceive, With all that I've got, And all I've achieved,
What I want most before my time is gone, is to hear the words "I love you, Mom."
--Kellie Coffey

All systems go!

Well, had my follow up with Dr. Garza last week after 3 months of hell, aka, Depot Lupron.  The first thing that the doc asked me was, "if your husband still alive?"  Yeah, that bad.  But, its over.  It is behind us and we are ready to move on.  I opted to try things au naturale this month.  He did put me on Clomid to "jump start" things, so if I end up with twins, we'll blame Dr. Garza.  When he said he wanted to put me on MORE meds, I was so turned off.  I didn't go through this surgery and the injections for nothing, but after sitting in the blessed sacrament chapel and a great talk with my husband, I realized, this is where I needed to be.  Why go that far, and not follow up with the docs recommendations.  I guess I just wanted so much to just have a baby, not have to go through all of this for something that should come so naturally.  BUT, I feel so good about this month.  I am really not too stressed, and I am so sure that whatever the plans God has for me, they are for the best.  I will continue to be patient, because I know that my time is coming.  So, I told Steve to rest up....here we go......!