Goodbye 2011...

Here we are at the end of another year.  But this was no means just another year.  This was this year Steve and I became mom and dad.  I look back to January when I found out I was pregnant.  I was ecstatic, a little nervous, and anxious.  Little did I know that my dream of becoming a mom would be taken from me so quickly.  Steve and I ventured out to Mo Ranch for a much needed get away and came back a better couple, closer to God and with a little stow away!  Every new year's eve, I am overcome with a flood of emotions.  Some sad, happy, some hopeful.  I always look back at my year and am in awe of the many blessings I experienced, saddened by loss, upset about things I could have done differently, or disappointed for things that I never accomplished.
Well, this year, I accomplished the most amazing feat yet, I became a mother.  The overwhelming peace I felt when I looked at the two little blue lines on March 21st was the most amazing feeling ever.  Then, Patti verified my suspicions with her revelation.  The pregnancy journey was a fairly easy one, labor and delivery went well, and I was left with the most perfect gift ever--Jonathan.  He is six weeks old today and I look forward to see what 2012 brings for all of us.
Yes, my year could not have been more perfect....until October.  This year we experienced the loss of my Aunt Becky.  I think I am still in shock, thinking she is on a long cruise with my uncle Phil, or still hiking the mountains of Wyoming and won't be back for a few months.  A part of me is at peace knowing that she is no longer suffering, and has obtained the most amazing prize ever...eternal life in our Lord's kingdom.  While the selfish part of me wants her here with the family, because our family will always have a void with her gone, a part of me is eternally grateful knowing that one day we will see her again.  My heart breaks for my cousins, for Uncle Phil and Grandma and Grandpa.  I just pray that one day they will experience true peace and trust knowing that Becky is in a much better place.
Like I said, this year had its share of emotions.  When I was pregnant with Jonathan, I always referred to the scripture "he will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice at his birth"  Luke 1:14.  Jonathan has been a joy and I know that he has brought much joy to this family in the midst of loss.  So, here we go.  We say goodbye to another year.  I welcome 2012 and all of its possibilites.  I am so richly blessed.  I couldn't ask for anything more.

1 month old

Dear Jonathan,

Angel, today you are 1 month old. I can't believe that one month ago today we brought you into this world and met you for the first time. Daddy and I are just amazed with how much you have grown this past month. Time is flying by so fast. You are still fitting into newborn clothes. The 0-3 months are still way to big for you. I can't wait for you to grow a little more because you have some really cute outfits I can't wait to put on you! You are falling into more of a sleep pattern at night. You will take your last bottle at 10:00 with daddy, and them mommy will burp you and sit up with you for awhile. You love to fall asleep on my chest. You seem to sleep best there. You sleep in the pack and play in mommy and daddy's room. You will usually get up again about 3am to eat, and them you will sleep for 4-5 hours after that. You are eating a combination of breast milk and formula and are taking down about 3 to 3 and 1/2 oz every 3 hours. You are eating so much better now and are so alert. Sometimes at night, you are in "deep sleep mode" (as daddy and I call it) and I should put you to bed so I can get some sleep, but I will just hold you and watch you sleep. We waited so long for you and sometimes I dont think I can get enough of you! You don't necessarily like tummy time, but you are able to hold your head up for a max of 40 seconds (at least that is the longest mommy and daddy have counted). You are able to pick up your head and turn it to the other side to look at something, but you have been doing that since the first day you were born! I am amazed by the strength in your neck and back. You are so alert. You love to stare at the Christmas tree lights and you respond to daddy's footsteps coming up the stairs when we are feeding in your room. I call you "Grouchy" because you let us know right away when you are wet or dirty or hungry! You also let mommy know when you are tired. You will dig your face into my chest when I am holding you. You don't give into sleep easily though. You fight it because you don't want to miss a thing! This past week, you met Santa for the first time. We made a trip out to Northstar Mall with grandma and aunt cathy, and you did great!! You do well with all of your outings. We just put you in the carrier, attach it to the stroller and we're off!! This past week we went to great grandma and grandpa's house. We spent the whole afternoon with them. Great grandpa even got down on the floor to play with you!! You bring so much joy to them, Angel! Their faces light up when they see you and I am so glad that you are going to be blessed to know your great grand parents!! Grandma and Grandpa can't go a day without calling or texting to "see how my grandson is doing." Angel, you are so loved! I hope that you will see that as you get older. You are so blessed to have such an amazing (and crazy) family!! Daddy and I love you so much! We can't wait to see what this next month brings!!

Great Grandpa David

Grandpa Richard

Grandma Linda

Great Grandma Nancy

Pic attempt #1--not a happy camper!

Take 2!

3rd times a charm!!  What a cutie!!

2 weeks old

Can't believe how time flies!  These last two weeks have been a whirlwind.  Jonathan is just such a blessing.  He is getting into somewhat of a routine at night.  We average about 2 and 1/2 to 4 hours at a time but his best sleep is still when he is sleeping on my chest.  I have to admit, that is my best sleep, too!  During the late night feedings, I can't help but just stare at him and watch him sleep.  He is just an Angel.  I just thank God every night for this amazing little man in my life.  On Monday, we had to take Jonathan to the ENT.  He was diagnosed with "tongue-tie" or more formally "ankyloglossia".  The frenulum at the base of his tongue was to tight and preventing his tongue from moving properly to latch on and breast feed.  Needless to say it was a very stressful time for both of us.  We went to the ENT and they started bringing in all of the surgical tools.  It was pretty scary.  They had me hold him, while the nurse held his head still and the doc held his mouth open.  I turned away.  I couldn't even watch.  Before I knew it, they doc said all done, and he held a small gauze pad in his mouth to catch the bleeding.  Then the doc said, "ok, mom, go ahead and feed him."  Well, almost immediately he latched on better and had a great feed."  So far so good, we will see how things go.  We are still having some struggles with feeding, but he has done much better these last two days.  It is really cute when you go to burp him.  He doesn't like to be face down for too long.  He will hold his head up for up to 5 seconds before he turns it to the side he prefers to watch whatever may be going on.  He gets tummy time 1-2 times a day, and just amazes me how well he holds his head up and will turn his head from side to side!  Strong little booger!!  When the nurse was holding his head during his procedure, she just kept saying, "Man, this little guy is strong!"  Tell me about it!  I felt it in my belly for the last 5 months!!  His hair is starting to lighten a bit, and he is looking more and more like Steven everyday.  Maybe he will have a little of me somewhere along the way!  He does not like to be swaddled!  We have an awesome swaddle blanket, but he will nothing to do with it!  The other night, I swaddled his good for him to sleep and Steve and I went to bed.  About 10 minutes later, I heard his squirming, grunting, and them stopped.  I got up to check on him and he managed to wiggle one leg out of the blanket and just let it hang out, and he was back to sleep.  What was funny, was that I was getting back in bed, Steve was sleeping on his back with one leg completely out of the covers!  Like father like son!  So here we are on this amazing journey, hoping that I can be the mother that Jonathan deserves and to provide for him and his needs.  I am just so blessed to have such an amazing husband, family, and friends.  This little guys has experienced so much love in these past 2 weeks.  He has no idea how loved he is!