LET GO!!

These two words do not sit well with me.  I am a control freak, Type A, Gold, personality.  I always have things under control, and I can always manage to have things work in my favor.  Boy, did God ever have a challenge for me.  Throughout this infertility journey, I have charted, calculated, predicted, analyzed, monitored every aspect of the month.  I have had complete control over things, to the point that it is driving my husband crazy with how obsessive I am becoming.  The other day I was in the guest room, just praying a relaxing after a crazy day and as I lay on the floor on my back, I look to the left and see a LEGO piece on the floor.  Now, there have been no children in the house, and if there are, they have never been toys upstairs in the guest room.   I hear ya, Lord....LET GO!!  So here it is.  Steve and I had a heart to heart this weekend, and we are going COLD TURKEY.  No planning, charting, obsessing.  We are letting go.  This is going to be so hard for me because I need to know, "did I ovulate, am I late, what's that weird pain in my abdomen, no, its now time yet...." and so on and so on.  But this is it.  I stand today placing IT ALL at my Lord's feet.  I have had the surgery, the endometriosis is gone, my body is getting back on track, and Steve and I are ready to tackle this again.  How do I feel, terrified....but terrified in the sense of letting go of this CONTROL, that I have held onto for the last 3 years.  This is not going to be easy, but I ask for prayers that I may be at peace with my decision, that I may be given patience, and that I learn how to trust someone other than myself.  It will be a work in progress, but I am ready.  Ready to LET GO, and LET GOD!