Last night I had the most amazing dream. I had a son. A little boy, maybe 4-5 months old. I held him, and all of the things that go along with a baby were present to me. I held him in my arms, fed him, wrapped him up in his blanket. It was all so real, his skin, his smile, his smell. Ohhh, if I could have just stayed in that dream. I remember seeing Steven take him and hold, and all the while in my dream, I kept saying to myself, "Chrsitina, you can't wake up." In my dream, I remember telling Steven, "I can't wake up, because when I wake up, this all goes away." I just remember trying so hard to "take it all in" because I knew I'd be waking up soon. And I did. Wake up. And all of it went away. My heart ached, and I got up and got my day going.
It has been more than 3 years since we have started down this road, and I become more and more discouraged everyday. I almost feel as if I am falling into a depression. Is that possible? Can infertility do that? I always told myself I wouldn't let it beat me, but it is...its beating me, and winning.
